Is this a cry for help? I don’t know. Am I needing counseling again? Maybe. Am I depressed? No. Do I want to get out of something? Yes, but I don’t know what. I don’t know what exactly puts me in such a negative space. I know I haven’t looked within. The changes I was forced to be in and the changes I put upon myself have definitely been too much for what my limited beliefs can handle. I was told to just own it. But when I barely believe in myself, how can I own the things that I do.
I want to disappear. Why is darkness such a familiar place now? I used to just work my job. But now, I feel jealousy, irritation, and anger toward myself and anyone I find something I don’t like. It’s so unhealthy. Am I in an unhealthy environment? Have I absorbed too much negative energy? I feel like escaping somewhere, which only means one thing. I am somewhere I am not happy anymore. What’s annoying is, is it work? Or is it Wellington? Or is it New Zealand? Fuck don’t know.
